Friends, Future, and Faith

Growing up my parents told me that over time friendships fade and your family turns into your closest friends. They told me to try not to be so disappointed when a friendship ended because with time, relationships based on proximity and convenience naturally fall apart. But, in that same time, the opportunity to form relationships built on intention and genuine connection with new, wonderful people would present itself.

When I was in high-school I didn’t quite see what my parents meant, but when I graduated I started to. After college it became even more evident. When friends I thought would last forever turned into people that I used to know, I came back to what my parents told me. I came back to ‘You find out who your friends are’.

I still have relationships with high school and college friends that I cherish greatly and truly believe will last forever (you know who you are). These friendships wouldn’t have been possible without the initial proximity, but these friendships transcend distance. Why? Because they’re built on love, grounded in faith, and forged with continual effort and intention. These are who my friends are. And sure enough, they are the friends God wants for me.

Show Me Your Friends and I’ll Show You Your Future, episode 2 of the Roaring 20's series, focuses on who we surround ourselves with and how to make sure we’re surrounded by the friends God wants for us.

After all, I am who I surround myself with, so why not make sure I’m surrounding myself with the people God wants me to be like?

This episode fully opened my eyes to how the friends in my life currently are the people God intends for me to have - what a great feeling. I hope my friends can say the same thing about me.

I want to share this message with you because maybe you’re struggling with who you surround yourself with, or maybe you know your people are the good ones and this can serve as a nice reminder. Here are my takeaways from The Porch episode 2!

Takeaways

Biblically, the right friendships are those that allow you to live authentically in relationship with people committed to Christ.

1. Live authentically – allow people to know you.

We all share a deep desire to be known, accepted, and loved. This can’t and won’t happen until our relations are authentic. As Christians, we are called to live in the light of authentic relationships marked by Christ. This means allowing our friends to know our true selves. To know where we are struggling. To know where our mind goes in the dark times and how joyous we feel in the happy ones. Personally, I need to learn to share my struggles and not minimize my feelings. I need to work on being vulnerable and asking for help when I need it.

So, let's get vulnerable. For all my friends reading this, here it is.

Where do I struggle?

Physical boundaries in relationships.

Loneliness in singleness as opposed to opportunity in singleness (not now, because I'm happily dating a Godly man, but for the past 22 years of my life this has been a struggle.

Feeling like God’s forgotten about me when things don't go as I expect and my prayers go unanswered.

Anxiety about my “timeline”.

Our friends should be people who allow us to be vulnerable, who always grant us acceptance and forgiveness, and who love us authentically. We should strive to be that friend too.

Social media teaches us to be amazing managers of people’s perception of us, but we need to make sure we don’t let this bleed into our relationships. We should not feel the need to manage our friends ‘ perceptions of us. If we do, we need to reevaluate ourselves and relationship with them. Can you be honest with the people in your life? Will they lift you up, pray for you, hold you accountable?

God's words on it

HEBREWS 3:12 “See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God” BUT “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘today’ so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness.”

JAMES 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

2. In relationship – continuous relationships with people in our lives.

In ordinary moments over time God does wonderful things in your life.Through friendships with people who will hold you accountable to be more like God calls you to be, God works on you. These great relationships aren't found, they're forged. Time, love, effort, and intention forge the relationships I want and need in life. When my friends and I prioritize one another, practice patience in the hard, distant seasons, and work hard to be there for each other, a beautiful relationship is forged. What forges yours?

HEBREWS 10:21 “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds”.

Help others fill their lives with more good.

Help others love more.

Help others push to be their best selves.

Help others be who God calls them to be.

Allow others to help you.

3. With people committed to Christ.

For this one, I'll start with God's word on it.

1 CORINTHIANS 15:33 “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character”.

2 CORINTHIANS 6:14 “Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Who we surround ourselves with is more powerful than our character, because we are who we surround ourselves with. Let's repeat that one more time for emphasis. Who we surround ourselves with is more powerful than our character. We are who we surround ourselves with.

THIS is why we can look at our friends and see our future.

The people we run with determine who and what we’re running towards.

Now, when I consider the friends I want in my life, I use God’s word as a guide. God wants me to surround myself with friends…

… who speak truth and love. EPHESIANS 4:29

… who are generous. ACTS 2:45

… who mourn when I mourn and rejoice when I rejoice. ROMANS 12:15

… who forgive me when I hurt them and don’t hold grudges. COLOSSIANS 3:13

… who counsel me with God’s word not their opinions. COLOSSIANS 3:16

… who are willing to tell me hard truths to help and protect me. PROVERBS 27:6

This last one's a hard one for me to handle at times. But, if my friends are willing to tell me hard truths it means they love me and value God more than they value me liking them if it comes at the extent of not being honest.

God wants me to surround myself with these friends, but more importantly He wants me to be that friend. I’ve learned that it’s not until I become this person that I deserve this person.

Here’s to continually working towards being a friend God would want my friends to have.

Til next time!

Just Abby

Special shoutout to my beautiful friend Audrey for taking the time to write all of these bible verses out specifically for this blog post, because I can't write artsy in the slightest (can you say 'supportive friend'?!?) . God knew what He was doing when He introduced me to you. You are a friend I will cherish for ages.